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英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

英文已很搞笑翻译却更残暴

  1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a- X% N4 t( R* E8 U8 g% o

- x! x% G7 ]8 Q& G9 M( f  bike and asked for forgiveness.
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6 b" v2 C1 P: V/ e  开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一
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  辆然后求上帝宽恕。
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  2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a
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  nd yelling like the passengers in his car.+ i( @6 q9 ]* m3 N8 v$ J

& J: @% B. E: R: h  我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一
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- [1 V$ P8 e8 i) P1 ^  样死法啊!
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1 H) V, q: v1 e/ t1 `; S  3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you
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  with experience.
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. j" T  J8 {% k' F/ J  J: \  你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
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  4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
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1 M, y( g3 ~+ J+ L4 D$ P( \4 c  直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。" z# R8 n3 e9 p3 q2 d% y
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  意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。& h. U: f. b2 A9 O8 L0 G" w

+ z: P- D0 f: i: }3 R  意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。( n( F6 ~6 S( M6 i
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  6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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  a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪!& E) r% s* R* M: L

) b4 l* |( j; l- d  b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。
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  7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.6 W2 M2 o6 E! G1 W

. B* q0 c% W$ g, f  在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快.
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( u; f! l* ^" W% f1 u& o  8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't havea good partner, you'd
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  better have a good hand.1 {+ t- j( B( [  \( W7 U4 N" ]
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  XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。/ y% T1 J6 Y1 z8 r$ l/ k

: t7 B( Z/ a3 r  9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca1 [: @. @1 t9 F
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  n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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  有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去! w, {0 q* e4 e$ Q' M$ h
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  还是很有喜感。( R! m+ S9 U! E! y
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  10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan# K, p' _2 M" |9 r  X
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  ged regularly, and for the same reason.
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" t& f, l3 k* m4 o  政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏9 v, P4 q+ s( [5 g5 }5 o
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  了!!. s, m: }+ A+ u3 c7 h4 j
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  11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.) w& l9 \, [  d* k; o

! t9 x( h* p$ d; G5 o  战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。$ D: Y7 Y; S% D4 m( ]
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  12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship
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' }# F* e! X1 v1 s0 R% _2 K: E+ g. C  a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的!
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  b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。2 D, i; G% E1 m0 D. H

, Q% T, k& [" f6 P: Z% R0 p" \* a  13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.* x! _+ N/ ~) w
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  我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。/ d) p( [  N9 J

: C/ a! n& f4 a; x( y# f  14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio7 x- C5 t. W5 t" i1 ^) f, q0 b9 V

6 _6 N' h7 r) ]  n, make him a sandwich." Q& c" l$ ^$ D3 T8 z. o3 q) Q! [

# S+ Y$ I' D* L  男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治!
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, V9 M2 l2 u1 g  15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt' L; u1 _9 y2 y* C, _8 M$ ?
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  il you hear them speak.
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  光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...
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3 U6 T8 Z0 A! _6 v9 x- j: a  16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.* W5 c! C; o+ _  j$ f) s  a
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  我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。. ~4 j+ z6 ]+ E- {3 I

4 Y3 ~9 M; N7 H, I) s  17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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  曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。
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  r7 ]7 L+ t" R) f/ g- X. Q  18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment5 C, ?1 y( S; f# |2 |5 T
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8 _0 o: P: Z  z  你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫""
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  j% i4 d* M* ^  19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
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: ~/ Q4 U0 n7 R5 i& z  XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案...
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  20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to
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  tell you why it isn't.
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  晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。, v' N0 Z3 {/ r' |* d& f

8 s+ A6 A  c% Y  T5 X0 M6 t5 e  21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
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, x( V$ m) ?3 F3 R  box to start a campfire?! U: V  i, f* h' g
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  直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事!
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+ b3 t1 s+ p" u9 K. [* ^" O  G$ H/ V  意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科" }: A" k6 w4 c/ m9 z
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  22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy
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& R+ @* U% n4 S: B7 L  Q  如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗?
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  23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr! [  C1 e. S3 c; X1 R
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  uit salad.
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  直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。3 F# @$ Q& b2 @) _: F$ E

5 m% H/ a1 ]: t+ c, C% R  意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个
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- a8 F9 c' |9 l8 U$ h; v0 `0 ]  篮子。8 C0 N# J1 L, z# q$ B  P/ A

# F1 w3 |) J& R1 {0 U! Z  意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧的猫扑告诉你这终还是男女有别"' D" g% k* {9 K7 O' w

) Z  d9 w. h. I% G  24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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4 x- U, B6 ^  x  上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧!
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  25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
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  same night.9 _* e( C2 F! D
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  无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。% y2 K4 o: c, J" z/ J1 b

1 x+ ]* x( q: n% B. B  26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian+ T7 `1 w* j8 S

$ H, v! {* a6 n  老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。
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! E( C  K4 A+ H% r) p1 {8 F* I  27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops% L6 D2 X$ @! w) _5 }/ h  l

' E) W6 t5 h9 b5 C+ }. m9 n# d3 {  . On my desk, I have a work station..
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$ G3 B8 a7 t* p/ E4 U. }/ a  公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
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, [" p. E+ E8 B* d6 y$ ~7 d% K  28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
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4 ^$ R- G8 l2 \( T  要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。
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  29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv
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4 D4 T: S3 L: O! R  ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the
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$ a* s9 ]& K7 \. V8 ]' Q  m fish?& l0 e3 l0 ?) [8 `
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  海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃
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  了。
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  30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin
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  g.
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4 t0 u% R( G. M$ b  a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行!
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  b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散!
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, D. A7 }# d# P6 F, C4 w  z  31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan
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  ts?"/ h* }) f: i* M4 |
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  瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?”5 |& {) u2 y3 l# U3 y. m
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  32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk
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  and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-
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  up.' v# b$ v: @# \2 m+ g3 _

/ s, I# I2 Q, T  孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。) H- m, H/ @" W6 |) v

! e. ^  c0 P. C$ [, b3 u8 `& T  33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu& I: I+ v6 B0 C# ^5 S' ~

  f3 Q1 X/ o7 P. c/ J7 ]! G1 z; K+ G  t check when you say the paint is wet?: R& j: M1 n* J  X1 D
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  为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”?
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  34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al) t) u- h. K& C3 E
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  a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。. v4 ?: c# y7 c
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  b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。
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2 L, U5 D* R7 l  c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释
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: p, j9 k, ]! k  d. 猫扑里德话说就是:宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。
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. U% H6 y7 b3 j$ q  g# ]& W7 f  35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don'8 m8 i+ E; H; ^" p; z; j; m' v

3 i( A4 p# U8 ^# f1 D+ \  t need it.0 s, b, u) f3 e* D' _, I8 y# ]
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  银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方8 ~. O" Y: ^; f$ D

$ l/ M1 z' \' B+ H- Y. ?2 s; G/ z6 r  36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
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! Y! Q( N; u# A, c: H7 u  a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。4 a' o2 \' D" i7 [" _* P) g
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  b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。: c( F' I( V7 ~1 J4 N& L

1 ?! A1 ]3 z7 e1 ^2 o6 x  37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
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  a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用!
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+ s# H# V" A2 }& a% P9 P7 E$ u  意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫
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: j- s1 X1 n9 o( y0 K0 @  38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.! D9 q) _' {% i4 Z
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  a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧?
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* ]7 ?, p! \) n8 L, }  意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……”
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# e& {( N7 m1 K* O0 h! v# W  c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。6 Y4 h& C4 y4 J4 x5 a+ A2 d3 K

; J$ P) v! ?  ]' @: ~; T1 E. G  39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
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' \% v7 T% w/ K3 f. {& N- l  a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女-----b. 想立牌坊就得会装
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' N6 {% m$ C3 t4 }! w6 g3 i  40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.% \3 E$ h8 R1 p5 R
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  临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟"
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0 U' L2 r6 B/ s- `* b0 h  41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with
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  a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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' P, R: [1 S! C% C2 `5 v  如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等! R- F6 W( T3 i" R# G- C8 s+ Z
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  42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
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  小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。+ ]0 g% v( E+ M5 t# D1 y
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  43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi
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  rls live.2 }/ q4 M* [9 _+ M
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  圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊!/ T& G! S8 l. d
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  44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear
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  ch.
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" Y3 P1 k; v; l  剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。8 r4 Z( j2 ^/ U+ ?/ A! f* s

3 Y: t6 d7 P0 s0 G/ G8 d  意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。! y& e2 \0 c* U0 I

# a' X: x& Z% o- x" y) [+ k  45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.& Y  |7 z& j, R: T( k* r' h# N
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  有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。.
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  46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a
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1 [6 d- C* w/ N* ~) d  great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.7 y+ `; E. e: G$ Q* ^" G( v
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  我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨: p; O+ t& ~& _: g
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  叫声是一样滴。3 G. J8 {9 x! I
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  47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets." p" J1 c( Z4 A" g7 @/ C5 X
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  直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。
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. k8 K0 {4 s" s( y- @  意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。
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  48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.5 k' ]( x% s; D7 ~* U
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  我可没怨你!我是在谴责你!
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  49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc1 ^- K# O4 Z- |6 c* Y

2 l# w1 A3 i0 S  y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?& I7 o7 H# B4 e6 d1 @% Y0 y. s
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  当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什
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# Y" x6 A/ W5 k0 S& d; d  么忙?!$ F5 j+ ]( ~" M" I5 O/ F3 C

+ {1 \  t) Y; U  @- ^3 U5 z3 U. t  50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.! a: y% v' d, r2 f
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  上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!!

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